mood		indifferent
	music		lil wayne-earthquake/paramore-emergency

so, today was an alright day. it's really hot and muggy. i wish the wind would blow for at least some of the day. although, i'll be complaining when it's winter time again. i have come to the conclusion that i am now starting over. making a new year, even though it's already summer. what better time, eh? well. you're probably thinking, "oh just boy problemssss, nothing serious" turthfully, it is about boys. but that's not the only thing. the way i act sometimes too. i have been being more open with people i want to be, and not so open to the ones i don't. because sometimes i'd end up opening myself up to others too much, and wound up getting hurt. i really want a job, and i think it's about tiem i start working to earn my money. i'm only sixteen but i need to start learning soon. because before i know it i'll be out on my own. maybe you can call this on my own, but i doubt i'd have half the things i have now if i was on my own. i do want my own apartment though. it's 1:34 am and i don't think i've ever satyed up this late by myself. i'm here drinking pink lemonade and sweating my ass off because the a/c is in the living room. anywho, i think i have a crush on someone. i'm not sure if i want to have one though because it seems every time i get into a relationship of some sort, it ends badly. and, no, i'm not expecting a happy ending, i know i'm still young, and my heart will probably be broken plenty more times, but i just wish grudges wouldn't be held, or feelings were forgiven, words said when one was mad. all that should be taken back. because clearly, we don't have that much time left on earth. the art of love and life is complicated. firsts, are the worst. you let your heart be vulnerable to the first person who comes along and declares it theirs. and you never know how it will end. i sound bitter about it, and maybe i am. but, no one talks about how you move on from those sorts of things. is it okay to still feel the way you feel even after several months? maybe, maybe not. but, i believe there is a reason you still have those feelings. because usually i'm pretty resiliant. i don't get attatched that easily. i bounce back from breakups or harsh words. but one thing always keeps me hanging on. maybe because it is so sudden. like thunder, or lightning. those feelings can't go away that quick for this situation. on the other hand, new feelings are being developed with someone else. perhaps this is one of those chase boys. you know, where the two of you flirt and talk a lot, not necsessarily saying you like eachother, but you both have intimations. you both get really excited and anxious to be with eachother, but when it actually comes down to it, something doesn't click. and you realize it was just the chase that got the best of you. you always want what you can't have, and sometimes when you finally get it, you don't want it anymore. i feel like none of this is making any sense. i don't want to keep rambling on. so, goodnight&sweet dreams.
♥